Ever look back on a tumultuous relationship and think “how did I not see that train wreck coming?” Or perhaps one of your close friends or family members are in a relationship and you wonder why they are so blinded by love that they don’t see any of the red flags?
Love can blind us from seeing the red flags in dating, especially if we focus on all of the potential of a relationship rather than what is actually going on. These red flags can often be right in front of our eyes but we don’t even notice them. Or worse – we notice them and ignore them.
If you notice that you continue to date the same type of person or the outcome of your relationship (the end) tends to be the same it may be time to take a deeper look into why that is. Yes – the “issue” could be you as you are the common denominator in these relationships. Your lack of noticing and acting upon these red flags is something you may have to own up to.
If you realize that you have been ignoring red flags (or maybe don’t even know what some of them are when you’re in a relationship) it may be a good idea to write down all the “bad” things you have noticed about people in general from people you have personally dated to other people in your life – friends, family members and people that are dating or married to friends and family members. You may have friends/family members that have bad behaviors when it comes to dating as well – write that all down.
Once you get the complete list – you may have to add to it every once and awhile when you think of something new – sit down and look over it. Notice any patterns that stick out to you. Circle or star the ones that really bother you the most – the top 3 to 5 and make a new list with those. Write what you think makes you “ok” with it, why you ignore it and also note what you would prefer to have instead.
For example, do you tend to notice you date people that are emotionally unavailable? Maybe you are mirroring relationships you have seen growing up. What you prefer is to have someone that is emotionally available. Write all of this down.
Working on a list of boundaries may help you as well. It can be tough at first to realize when someone is not respecting your boundaries. After awhile, however, it will become a norm for you to expect people to respect them – and not put up with it for longer than you used to in the past.
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