Once upon a time I was online dating. Now let me begin by saying that me and online dating have a love/hate relationship. I have met some nice men online and even more outrageous, nasty, strange men online. This story occurred somewhere in the middle of me loving (meeting new people) and hating (running for the hills).

So the story goes, I met a man we will call Steve. Steve would message me and seemed totally into me. He was around my age, handsome and from the looks of it successful. He was eager to exchange phone numbers and we spoke on the phone a few times. He sounded like a nice guy – no red flags whatsoever.

He said he couldn’t wait to meet me. I had butterflies – he was so handsome but not so handsome that he was probably not real/using a model’s picture. He was a tall Latin male with dark features. I was smitten.

I was so nervous getting ready for our first date. Knowing he was potentially a successful professional man I felt I really had to look my best. I got super dolled up and was so eager yet nervous to meet him.

We were supposed to go to dinner. We met up at the agreed upon place and I could not for the life of me find him. Until he walked up to me. He was at least 10-15 years older than the person in the picture (I’m guessing the picture was his brother or son or something because they looked alike but not alike at the same time). He had pulled up in a new, beautiful BMW and though he was not the person in the picture he wasn’t too bad looking just significantly older than I was expecting. I wasn’t sure what to do at this point so I went along with it – I’m sure he saw the shock in my eyes when he approached me. It probably was expected.

The date went ok and the more I looked at him the more I noticed things that were off-putting like his HAIR PLUGS, possible lazy eye and odd way of speaking. On the phone he spoke one way and in person it was like a totally different person. Maybe he had someone else speak to me as well – maybe it was the person in the picture.

Not sure if he really was a professional or if he had rented that BMW for our date, HA! Of course at the end of the date he said he had a good time and went in for a kiss. It was so gross and sloppy. I was disgusted to say the least.

Steve tried to reach out again – he had said he had to go golfing the next day but he would hear from me. I did, however, I never picked up the phone. I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to answer and say “why did you lie about who you are” but I didn’t have the guts at that time to do it. He is probably still out there using pictures that aren’t of him and having women fall for his charming ways.

I have been catfished by at least 3 men that I recall. Steve’s wasn’t as extreme as he sort of looked like the guy in the picture but this was one where I actually went along with the date instead of bailing/having someone send me a fake emergency phone call/text.

I met one guy that failed to mention he was in a wheel chair. I didn’t care – but he could have at least mentioned it. Another guy was totally not the guy in the picture, not even close. He told me where he was standing and I bailed because he was unpleasant to look at and I was sick to my stomach that he would lie like that.

Have you ever been catfished? Share your story in the comments.

This has been a busy week for me at work and I’m not sure if it is my body adjusting to working again or *crosses fingers* that I am getting sick but I have been really exhausted lately. I find myself going to bed earlier and earlier every night. It is a good thing but I just feel like something is a little off in my body. I’m going to drink more water and do more stretches through the day in the hopes that it will get me feeling better.

I have been working from home this whole week so that had been nice. I get to take care of things in during my breaks and I enjoy the freedom that it gives me. Some days I work a bit in the morning and a bit in the evening. I have time for writing, napping, relaxing and just doing other things my old job wouldn’t allow me to get done. I have gotten so many important emails and phone calls out of the way because I have part of my day to do these things. It has been great!

I haven’t done anything too exciting this week so instead I am going to just share from a conversation I had with a friend.

Recently I was talking to my friend and they told me I need to be ok with being an emotional person. I had mentioned that I try to keep it bottled up sometimes because I have had instances where I was bare and raw and emotional with someone and they did not know how to react. I felt exposed and abandoned. It was a horrible feeling and I never want to be in that situation again. My friend told me that if that is who I am I need to be ok with it and not worry how others are going to deal with it. It was really refreshing to hear and I just what I needed to hear at the moment.

After my last breakup I could feel myself building a little wall up because I felt so lost. When you don’t see it coming it is so difficult to deal with. I don’t want to let anyone in that is going to hurt me but I realize now that I am hurting myself by keeping people out. I am losing out on possibilities.

My friend also said that they think I wait too long to tell a man I am interested. This is true yet false. I feel like I throw hints but I like to get an ok from the other party first before I pursue anything further.

I am going to work on this and let ya’all know what happens.

What about you? What is holding you back from love?

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