Her Tainted Lips

For most of my teens and early adulthood I spent a lot of time worrying about others. How are they doing? What can I do to help them? How can I help them? Do they like me? And a million other questions that ultimately concerned them and their well being and not so much my own.

There wasn’t one specific day or big moment but as I got older I realized it is ok to care and be concerned about the people you care about and love, however, you also have to take care of you FIRST. More recently it has been heavy on my heart to think about why was a choosing to put so much effort into others when I am not taking care of me.

Moving closer to things I needed in my life and quitting my job were huge life changes that did cause me some stress but in the long run I believe will be extremely beneficial to me. I can still love, care and be there for others but not in the same way that I was in the past.

I’m choosing me.

I quit my job. This was something I planned on doing along the line to pursue other things as well as go back to school. This is not the reason I quit. I quit because my anxiety, stress and depression had become so consuming that I didn’t think I could go on working another day. I have a family member that supported me in this decision and will help me temporarily while I sort things out. Am I terrified? Yes. Anxious? Absolutely. I am a mix of emotions, however, I feel in the long run this is what is best for me at this time.

At this time when in comes to my mental health I feel like it is extremely important to focus on that and do whatever it takes to improve it. I can no longer go on ignoring it and hoping it will just go away one day. I have been praying and meditating on this for awhile and letting go of my job always came up as something that I was guided towards. I’m not sure what is coming next but I just continue to pray and meditate for guidance. One thing that came up recently is to write. So here I am on a Monday afternoon (not at work) writing this post. Quitting my job was terrifying yet a relief at the same time – it was a long time coming I guess you can say.

I have always loved to write. Either by paper or with a computer. I actually miss old fashion typewriters. I thought one day I would write a great novel on one of them. I may not have an old fashioned typewriter but I know I have a novel (or two) somewhere deep inside of me. I am hoping that getting back into blogging will inspire me to write and finish one. I do have a story I started years ago that I plan on working on a bit here and there to see where it goes.

As I mentioned above another thing I have been looking into is going back to school. The idea itself has brought up some anxiety as I know that I often have a tougher time than some with focusing and remembering the course materials. I don’t get terrible grades, however, I do feel like I could do much better if things were different. Working on my mental health should really help me in this area as I am hoping to get into a Master’s program and move forward with my education. I love to learn so even if I don’t get into one of these competitive programs right away I believe I will still take at least a couple of courses to get me back in the groove of things.

I am planning to have a career one of these days. I am just not sure in what field exactly. I enjoyed what I did at the job I just left, however, I sort of want to expand on that in some way. I enjoy working in an office yet I also enjoy working with children in some capacity. I am hoping that during a meditaion or prayer I will get some guidance on what type of career I should shoot towards.

Focusing on my mental health and practicing self care should really help me in all the things that I would like to accomplish in my life. If you are personally having some issues in this area I would definately seek help in all the ways you can. I have support from family and my mental health provider. For others it may be their church or spiritual groups. Whatever it is, look for help and guidance somewhere. You deserve it. Focus on your mental health. Focus on self care. Switch career paths. Learn something new. Fight the depression. Ease the anxiety. Do whatever it takes to be the best you that you can be. I hope that you all have some sort of support system and if you do not please see if you can find it somewhere. I have even found people online that offered me kind words and encouraged me to take care of me as best as I could.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to let things go. What are you planning on letting go of?